Talk ‘N Shop A Mania Results – August 1st, 2020

Welcome to Ringside News’ live coverage of Talk ‘N Shop A Mania. The pay-per-view is available on Fite TV for $14.99 which is a steal for all the content we’re bound to receive. The show starts at 9:00 PM EST. Check back then and we’ll do the best we can to tell you what happened.

This is a unique pay-per-view. We don’t know much about what to expect. Chad 2 Badd and Sex Ferguson will battle in a Boneryard Match in the main event. That should be absolutely filthy, right?

This event took place on Big LG Doc Gallows’ property. They even set up a COVID-19 testing station at the end of his driveway. You can check out the official description below:

The next evolution of Talk N’ Shop is here. Rocky, Doc Gallows, and Karla are here to bring you the #WorstPPVEver. Witness “Wrestling’s Greatest Parody Event”, TalkN’Shop A-Mania. Some will call it the #WorstPPVEver, but we call it the best #WorstPPVEver. All of your favorite raunchy characters have graduated from your headsets, to your big screens! Join Sex Ferguson, Chadd 2 Badd, Rocky Romero, and some of the biggest stars in professional wrestling for a wild, booze-soaked wrestling event.

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Plenty of pro wrestling stars are going to be on this show. You can check out the trailer below to get a better idea about what we’re in for.

It should be noted that Karl Anderson suggested that fans watch this after they got a little bit of a buzz on. Luke Gallows wouldn’t agree with this more.

The PPV started with Anderson filming his Hot Asian Wife without her consent. She got angry and offered to show her breasts and he quickly turned the camera off.

The Good Brothers and Rocky Romero showed up in the driveway and walked around to the field. Teddy Long was there and he said he’s there to get “mother f*cking paid now back up 6 feet.”

Then they got in the ring. Then they welcomed everyone to Gallows’ backyard and Talk ‘N Talk A Mania.

Promo

Chad 2 Badd and Sex Ferguson had a video to hype their Boneryard Match. Ferguson even made a joke about “Paul Layman” damn-near ruining their careers. Now he plans to sent Chad 2 Badd to the depths of hell. This is a straight-up parody of the Boneyard Match, obviously.

Opening

Anderson, Gallows, and Romero opened up the show on commentary. They are in Gallows’ backyard, Romero wouldn’t travel without being COVID-19 tested. Romero was the only one who kept his mask on.

Social Distancing Battle Royal

This match was insanity. Jake Manning came out and he brought out Freight Train. Chavo Guerrero joined them on commentary.

The match was going on. It was just madness. One guy had about a dozen pool noodles under his arms. Freight train was tossing everyone over the rope. “He’s just pelting mother f*ckers over the top!” Gallows said. Someone hit Freight Train below the belt and then Gallows shouted: “he just hit him in the c*ck!”

Then Stang came out and pointed his baseball bat before leaving. Mike Bennett joined the match, but he just jumped out on his own after looking around.

Freight Train won the match. Then Alex Kozlov walked out, he got in the ring and lit a cigarette. Then his bearded mother ran down to beat the piss out of him and he left. She beat up Freight Train, but he no-sold it. Then Freight Train was eliminated. Kozlov was thrown out by his own bearded mother. Suddenly, a masked man named Chico stunned the mother and threw her out.

Chavo Guerrero was really pissed off about this Chico el luchador winning. He said “I’m going to shoot and kill that guy.”

Segment

They did a bit with Mike Bennett selling Sex Ferguson drugs.

Contract On A Tree Match

Frankie Coverdale vs “Nature Boy” Paul Lee

It was noted that they don’t know what the contract was for. Maria Kanellis was shown. Then they showed another woman who wasn’t Maria.

Nature Boy made very sure that his feet wee clean before getting in the ring. He wiped his boots on the apron, the pole, and then he cleaned it off with his hand. The match got started as Paul Lee took a nap in the corner.

This was a straight-up Ric Flair parody. Gallows says that Lee lives in a place called “LeeLand.” The two finally started wrestling with some holds. Then Coverdale was sent out of the ring and he started running and he didn’t stop.

Gallows said that he wasn’t supposed to do that. He was headed toward a pond. “That pond isn’t even on my property,” Gallows said.

Promo

Chico del luchador cut a promo on Chavo. Then then a bullet missed Chico. They showed Chavo on a grassy knoll with a gun. “Damnit, I missed,” he said.

George North vs Stumo Kowaski

Stump hit George with a board and then a sheet. Then Stump broke another object over George North’s back. This match was a mess, but so was the entire pay-per-view.

The two fought next to Gallows’ pool. Then they fought up into the house and found Brian Myers on the floor playing with toys. He kicked them out for getting too close to the vintage Hasbros.

80’s Russians vs Jungle Kittens

Teddy Long came out and he wanted his money. Then the match got started.

This match was over very fast. The Kittens beat up the Russians a bit. Luke Gallows thanked PW Tees the entire time. Then The Russians turned things around and hit a couples moves followed by a stiff clothesline to win.

Winner: 80s Russians

Teddy Long took the microphone again. He said that it’s not the 80s it’s the 90s. Then he started the next match

The Flock (Lodi & Sick Boy) came out. The Yeti came out for a moment, but he left. Then he showed up again as Reese.

The Flock took kendo sticks to everyone. Then D-Lo Brown came out. He hit a Low Down on a Russian and posed

Then Rhino came out and he hit a gore on another Russian and then he hit a Gore on the other Russian.

Brian Pillman Jr ran out next. He hit a springboard clothesline one one of the Kittens. Then he hit a dropkick on an 80’s Russian.

Chavo Guerrero came out next riding Pepe, the stick horse. Willie Mack came out next and he hit stunners everywhere.

Then Karl Anderson went to the ring to hand off beers to Willie and Chavo. They drank beer and then Mack stunned Chavo.

Rory Fox vs Swoggledonna Grudge Match

All the good brothers could do was talk about Rory Fox’s dick. Fox called out Matt Cardona. Brian Myers came out instead and he dropped plenty of F-Bombs.

He said that Cardona wouldn’t “contractually be here.” He’s got another big star for him.

“Opportunity, I’m 44!” Fox yelled. Brian didn’t get it. Then he introduced Swoggledona.

Rory Fox destroyed Swoggle. Then Hawkins jumped in and tackled him. Swoggle got on top and then Hawkins threw Swoggle on Fox and he got the pinfall. The edit on this was terrible. They dragged it on commentary.

Then Swoggle pulled off Fox’s tights and he ran off…. through the field… and he kept running… into the woods.

Winner: Swoggledonna

They showed more of that hardcore match that was still going on. They were on a waterslide and then the match was declared over by Gallows.

Chico el luchador was shown lifting weights (with no weights on the bar). Chavo showed up and jumped him. Then he locked Chico in a sweatbox. “It’s not as hot as your mom,” Chavo said.

“You’re back on the gas, so strong!” Chavo said as he took a beating. Then Chavo came back with some shots. He sold a heavyball shot from Chico. Then they both said they respected each other’s grandfather’s and they got back to fighting.

Chavo pinned Chico and he won the Talk ‘N Shop 24/7 Title

Winner: Chavo Guerrero

He left saying he was going to have sex all over his championship.

Then Chad 2 Badd hit Chavo with the title and he won it with a pinfall.

NZO

NZO came out and said he forgot what he was going to say. He said that Gallows isn’t going to make a dime on this show. He said that last night there was a “dildo sticking out of mud,” and Gallows has never been happier.

NZO said he thinks he went over on his promo, but he doesn’t give a f*ck. He said he got screwed over. He showed up expecting to lose money when he showed up, and that’s what happened. Then he left looking pissed. That was awkward.

They went back to the contract on a tree match for a second. Brian Myers showed up and then Slater showed up, but they announced the winner as “who really gives a f*ck?”

Chad 2 Badd vs Sex Ferguson – Boneryard Match

Chad showed up first acting like AJ Styles did by taunting Sex. Then had a guy on a guitar playing Undertaker’s theme a bit and then he started into another song. That song was the best part of this entire goddamn pay-per-view.

Sex Ferguson showed up on a four-wheeler and they started the match as Chad pulled Sex out of the four wheeler. He hit an uppercut and tried to burn him in a flaming barrel.

“I’m gonna burn you!” Chad said. “Don’t burn me, ya sh*t eater!” Sex yelled back as he stopped him

Then Sex turned things around and he landed some punches to Karl Anderson (Chad 2 Badd) Sex rubbed his butt on Chad and Chad complained about how it smelled before hitting a low blow. “Oh my dick!” Sex yelled!

Then Chad put Sex through a board up. Mike Bennett showed up and fed drugs down his throat. This helped Sex Hulk Up and he had the advantage for a bit. Chad saw a prosthetic hand and he said “Uncle Allan, why didn’t you try to save us in New York? I know you tried.”

Sex sent Chadd into a hearse. Then Chadd ducked and Sex smacked the hearse instead. He said he hurt and Taker must be tough. “Taker is tough,” Chadd said.

He threw sex into a dirt pile. Then Maria Kanellis showed up in a swimsuit and she distracted him. Sex jumped him with the prosthetic arm and Maria stopped him from hitting her. “I’m a mother!” she screamed “What am I even doing here with you idiots?!” then she left.

The two fought a bit and they showed Heath Slater and Brian Myers lounging and watching them fight. The Rock n Roll Express showed up and asked “what are you jobless sons of bitches doing?”

Then some people in cloaks showed up and circled Chadd and Sex. They fought all of the cloaked people off and then they fought a bit more. They showed Enzo trying to get an autograph from the Rock n Roll Express. Apparently, they set up a gimmick table at the Boneryard Mach. NZO took a kick and a bump through through table.

Johnny Swinger showed up next and Sex called him out for stealing his gimmick. Swinger wanted his payday. Chadd hit a punch and then Sex fell righ between Slater’s legs. Chadd nailed a karate kick. “I do f*cking karate!” he yelled.

“Crouching tiger hidden penises!” Sex yelled before kicking Chadd and throwing him int Myers. Sex pinned Chadd and they got a two count.

They fought on the dirt pile. Then Chico el luchador ran through asking for help because Chavo is trying to kill him. He ran off and Chavo ran by with a bloody knife.

Chadd climbed on top of the hearse and then Sex followed him. Sex said he paid $2,500 for the hearse on ebay.

The set up a tombstone on top of the hearse, but Chadd farted on him and they went to a dream sequence that was a flashback from September 2019. They showed a clip of them knocking on the Young Bucks door while saying that they’re signing with AEW.

The Young Bucks invited them into their hotel room after listing a bunch of things that are wrong with the Good Brothers. They offered them a contract. Karl said that they have some strong offers.

Matt said “What if the world ends?” WHAT IF THERE’S A PANDEMIC — hypothetically speaking. Do you think they’ll have your back? They agreed to a deal, chanted AEW, and then agreed to by on Dynamite.

Then they showed Gallows who just got a text from Triple H and they had to take the new deal. The Young Bucks called them marks, superkicked them and said “they’ll probably end up in TNA anyway.”

They woke up from the flashback. Then Chadd knocked Sex off the hearse and he was trying to burn him, then he walked Sex over to the dirt pit and he said “I told you I was gonna bury you.” He said “I’m sorry,” Sex said “I wanna be a babyface.

Chadd said “I love you,” and he put Sex Ferguson in a grave with another shot to the head. Then he buried him. “Oh you’re burying alive?!” he asked. “NO SH*T THAT’S HOW YOU WIN THE MATCH DUMBASS!” Chadd replied as he continued burying him.

Winner: Chad 2 Badd

After the match, Sex Ferguson got out of the grave wearing a hockey mask. “To Be Continued…”