It’s time for WrestleMania 34. The build-up for this show could have been better but when we’re complaining about a show that features AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura and probably The Undertaker vs John Cena then we know that we’ve got some serious 1st World Problems.

The Mercedes Benz Superdome was packed and everyone was ready to see what WWE rolls out for their biggest show of the year. It’s a destination event for many people and entire years are planned around this show. So WWE doesn’t want to disappoint.

After all, fans spent a lot of money on travel, lodging, and tickets to Mania, TakeOver, and the cash grab that is Axxess. Now it all comes to this huge seven-hour long epic event. Can’t you just feel the electricity of the WWE machine?

Not only that, but the world will be watching as NOLA. Ronda Rousey’s WWE in-ring debut is set for Mania as well and everyone is ready to see what she will be able to do. More importantly, we’re ready to see what shade of green she is in the ring.

But it will all likely end with Roman Reigns leaving with the WWE Universal Championship held high, so at least we have that to look forward to. But we’ll never know until it happens, so let’s get straight to NOLA for this extremely long Showcase Of The Immortals.

The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler were on hand and that was pretty awesome because it’s always great to see them.

But this match was a typical battle royal. It looked like R-Truth made his return during this match if you were keeping track of him. He’s been out with some sort of injury as of late. Truth had a moment with Goldust where they danced and they Goldy threw him over the top rope. Then Goldust dabbed which was obnoxious.

Tyler Breeze was eliminated and took a pretty nice bump but it was nothing compared to the face-first plunge Curt Hawkins took. Zack Ryder was eliminated by Mojo Rawley which makes Mojo a little bit more likable to be honest.

Soon people started dropping like flies and Kane took a few people out. Then Baron Corbin launched Sin Cara onto a group of people.

John Cena was shown sitting in the crowd waving to the camera because he came to WrestleMania as a fan. That was a nice touch.

It all came down to Mojo Rawley, Baron Corbin, and Matt Hardy when suddenly as it looked like Matt Hardy was going to get put out of the ring, the screen went to Bray Wyatt’s deal and suddenly he was in the ring.

Bray helped eliminate Mojo and then he took an End Of Days from Baron Corbin. But Matt Hardy tossed Baron Corbin over the top rope ending his hopes in being a two-time Andre Battle Royal winner.

But Matt Hardy was declared the winner and Bray Wyatt is back and they are a team. This was a really big way to start WWE’s biggest show of the year and those two received a nice pop when they posed together after Hardy was declared the winner.

After Wyatt and Hardy posed in the ring Matt Hardy talked to the Andre trophy like a crazy person.

Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali (Cruiserweight Title Match)

Let’s see how this tournament to crown a new Cruiserweight Champion will turn out. At least we’ll be getting an actual pro wrestler out of the deal.

These two had a pretty good match as the yelled at each other to give them that heart and soul. Alexander hit the first real high spot of the match with a top rope plancha and then they went in the ring to spend some time on the mat.

Drake Maverick was at ringside and I wonder how long it will be until he becomes an in-ring competitor.

There were a couple nice high spots like Alexander nailing a top rope Spanish Fly and then as Mustafa was trying for an 0-5-4, later on, he took a bump from the top rope to the floor as Alexander came back at him.

The finish came as Cedric had a Lumbar Check reversed and Ali nailed a reverserana. Ali hit a tornado DDT and then he climbed up and nailed the 0-5-4 but Alexander got his foot over the bottom rope.

Ali tried for another 0-5-4 but Alexander rolled out of the way. Then Alexander nailed a back elbow or two and Ali held onto him. He took Ali out with a third back elbow and hit the Lumbar Check for the win.

So the Cruiserweight Division has a new champion and it’s Cedric Alexander. Cool.

WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal

Beth Pheonix was on commentary and strangely so was Paige even though her voice was still wrecked.

Michael Cole did mention how Paige was injured and couldn’t compete which is interesting. Paige seemed to play it off like it’s not career ending and said: “maybe next year.”

Becky Lynch got her own entrance and then everyone else had to come down together. There were lots of NXT girls as well. Then Bayley and Sasha Banks got their own entrances before this melee started.

Carmella brought a lot of attention to herself to start out as she raised the MITB briefcase but then she was eliminated by everyone as they grabbed her and threw her over the top rope.

Then everyone turned on Dana Brooke to eliminate her. The pack of main roster talent turned tot he NXT women next but the females from developmental fired back and beat everyone down to start an NXT chant for a moment.

Absolution got eliminated as the girls from NXT kept getting a chance to show what they can do.

Bayley and Sasha Banks teamed up to eliminate Natalya and the Riott Squad and then Bayley turned on Sasha Banks and tossed her over the top rope. As she thought that she won, Naomi jumped in the ring because apparently she was never eliminated.

Naomi nailed the Rear View and threw Bayley over the top rope to win that huge ugly trophy but more importantly, she won the first-ever WrestleMania Woman’s Battle Royal.

The Miz vs Seth Rollins vs Finn Balor

These guys did all they could to tear the house down and start off the actual show.

This match went about thirty minutes and was pretty much full of spot for spot for a good amount of the contest.

The Miz sent Dallas and Axel to the back before things started which showed his new character I guess but it ended up not paying off for him in the end.

Seth Rollins was on fire for much of this match as he went for it and hit his suicide dive spots as well as his other special moments that he usually throws in there. Then The Miz nailed a Skull Crushing Finale and Rollins kicked out.

There was a nice high spot where Balor and The Miz were on the top rope and Rollins jumped up and The Miz nailed a top rope Skull Crushing Finale but Balor hit a Coup De Gras to the back on The Miz’s head as he covered for the three count.

 

Finn Balor hit a sling blade and then he nailed the shotgun dropkick on The Miz but Rollins hit a curb stomp on Balor as he went for the cover. Then Rollins his another curb stomp on The Miz and that was all she wrote.

Our new Intercontinental Champion is Seth Rollins making him a grand slam champion.

Charlotte Flair vs Asuka – SmackDown Women’s Championship

Charlotte got a nice entrance where she got to sit on a throne while Ric Flair’s entrance music played and some guys I can only assume are her sex slaves helped guide her to the ring.

Asuka got some nice 3d graphics during her entrance and they used the same kind of thing with The Miz’s entrance and it was much better than those damn block letters like pro wrestling is suddenly Snapchat now.

This match was an epic confrontation of Asuka not backing down and kicking out of everything Charlotte could throw at her.

Flair seemed to have a counter for everything but eventually, Charlotte Flair locked on the Figure 8 and Asuka tapped out.

Yes, Asuka tapped out. What the hell is it with WrestleManias in New Orleans and breaking streaks?

At least Asuka grabbed the microphone afterward and said “Charlotte was ready for Asuka” and then they hugged. I mean, really? They just fed Asuka’s streak to Flair.Cool.

After the match, a referee ran up to John Cena and told him something that was enough to make him sprint up the ramp and run backstage.

Randy Orton vs Bobby Roode vs Jinder Mahal vs Rusev – US Title Match

This match was spot for spot as most multi-person matches were so there wasn’t a lot of time to lose your interest.

Rusev was insanely over for this match but that was to be expected.

The finish came when Orton finally nailed a draping DDT on Rusev after the Lion Of Bulgaria avoided it before. Then Randy Orton prepared for an RKO and Aiden English came in the ring and he ate an RKO. Then Orton hit an RKO on Jinder Mahal and Rusev and Bobby Roode broke up the pinfall.

Roode hit a Glorious DDT but he couldn’t score the pinfall. Then Rusev hit a Machka Kick on Orton and slammed Jinder down.

Rusev had a great moment where the crowd cheered him on and he went for the Accolade but the Singh Brother distracted him and Jinder Mahal hit a Khallas on Rusev for the win.

So, your winning and new WWE United States Champion is Jinder Mahal.

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey vs Triple H and Stephanie McMahon

Triple H and Stephanie had a group of people ride down with them on motorcycles so they could feel iike they were in a biker gang because apparently, that’s some hidden dream of Triple H’s for some reason.

They did way more in this match than I thought they would. There were plenty of near falls and a couple of spots that could have ended the match.

They told the story well to start things out with Kurt and Triple H starting things out and then Rousey finally got the tag and she did a lot in this match.

Rousey took Stephanie to the woodshed, and she even had a spot with Triple H in the ring after he pulled her out of the ring.

The finish came when Triple H set Rousey up for a Pedigree but she turned it into an armbar then Steph broke it up. But Steph soon found herself in an armbar while Triple H was in an ankle lock. The got out of the double submission and then Stephanie and Triple H tried for a couple pedigrees at the same time which were broken up.

Rousey soon locked an armbar on Stephanie McMahon and she tapped out. It was a very nice debut for Rousey and the crowd seemed to be into it.

The New Day vs The Bludgeon Brothers vs The Usos – SmackDown Tag Team Titles

This entire match was pretty much about stopping the Bludegeon Brothers and it was very hard to do that.

The Usos tried to hit a double dive on Rowan but he just grabbed them out of the air. Although they did hit a double suplex it was still a pretty solid statement that 2B aren’t anything to mess with.

The finish came when Harper and Rowan hit a double team move on Kofi and then threw Jimmy out of the ring. They almost hit a Crucifix Slam on Kingston but he avoided it.

Jimmy Uso hit a splash on Harper but he kicked out at two. Rowan hit Jimmy off of the apron as Hey nailed a kick to the back of his neck.

Soon Harper and Rowan had Kofi Kingston in the ring by himself and they hit a double team top rope sitdown powerbomb for the three count.

So your new SmackDown Tag Team Champions are the Bludgeon Brothers.

The Undertaker Does Something

Cena came down to the ring and Elias came down which teased the crowd when the lights went out.

After a little song where he upset John, Cena who had gone back to his seat in the crowd ran back in and took out Elias.

The lights went out again and then they came back and Taker’s coat and hat were in the ring and then a lightning bolt hit it. Suddenly Taker’s music started and it was on.

The Undertaker came down to destroy John Cena. Cena had one minor piece of offense but it was all Taker.

He did it all, the clotheslines, the old school tightrope walking bit, the big boot, the legdrop, the chokeslam and then the Tombstone and then he covered John Cena for the pin.

That was all she wrote and an epic lesson in being careful what you wish for from John Cena and it was a pretty good return for The Undertaker.

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

KO and Sami took Daniel Bryan out with a popup powerbomb to the apron from the beginning leaving Shane McMahon to work a lot of this match alone.

Then Daniel Bryan jumped in at the last second to break up a pin after McMahon looked like he had enough. Daniel Bryan got to the apron and was ready for a pin but the problem was how he would get the tag.

The heels kept Shane away from Daniel as best they could but once Daniel Bryan got the tag it was on.

Daniel Bryan got Sami and Kevin propped up on opposite sides of the ring and landed dropkicks to each of them and a final one to Sami that looked mighty snug.

Then Kevin grabbed Daniel’s foot as he was preparing for something else and Sami hit a Helluva Kick but Daniel kicked out.

Kevin Owens got a tag and hit a pop-up powerbomb on Daniel Bryan and he kicked out at two.

Sami got tagged in and then he started hitting Daniel Bryan and yelling at him. Suddenly Daniel Bryan snapped and landed the running knee and then he got in the Yes Lock so Sami tapped out.

So it looks like Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn are still fired.

Alexa Bliss vs Nia Jax – Raw Women’s Championship

It’s time to see how WWE’s version of Mean Girls turns out.

Alexa Bliss’ partner Mickie James got taken out early thanks to Nia Jax before the bell even rang. When the match started Jax tossed Bliss around for a bit and then Bliss nailed a thumb to the eye and gained an advantage for a bit.

This match actually lasted longer than most thought it would with a couple near falls. The finish happened when Alexa hit a Twisted Bliss on the outside to Nia Jax.

They returned to the ring and Bliss hit a DDT after saying “I’m sorry” but Jax kicked out.

Nia Jax took a shoulder to the post after Bliss moved and then Bliss jumped on Jax’s back but she flipped her into the turnbuckle nailing the back of her head. Bliss hung onto the ring apron to distract the referee and then she hit another thumb to the eye and scratched at Jax’s face but Jax just tossed her down.

Then Nia Jax told Alexa Bliss that she loved her and got her on her shoulders to climb to the top rope and hit a top rope Samoan Drop for the end of this match and a new Raw Women’s Champion.

AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura – WWE Championship 

These two had a lot of hype to live up to and they did their best to take each other to the limit, the only question is if and when WWE will let this match happen again and will it be as special as it was in NOLA.

AJ focused on Nakamura’s legs and AJ sold his back for this one. The finish came when AJ tried for a Styles Clash but he sold his back and then Nakamura laid AJ across the top turnbuckle and AJ moved, unlike the last time when Nakamura actually got to pull it off earlier in the match.

Then Styles nailed the Phenomenal Forearm for a near fall and AJ went for a 450 Splash but Nakamura turned it into a pinning attempt for a two count. They traded some shots in the ring until AJ hit a bunch of kicks and a Pele Kick.

Nakamura returned fire with some knees and AJ Styles reversed a Kinshasa into a Styles Clash for the win.

But after the match was over, Shinsuke Nakamura hit a low blow on Styles and then kicked him out of the ring to nail a Kinshasa to turn heel.

So Shinsuke Nakamura had a heel turn for his first WrestleMania moment.

The Bar vs Braun Stowman and Mystery Partner

This one really sets a new bar in strangeness, no pun intended. Strowman asked the crowd if they wanted to know who his partner is and he said it was someone in the crowd.

So Strowman went into the crowd and picked out a child named Nicholas. He told Nicholas to stand on the apron and he would do the rest.

Braun beat The Bar senseless for a while until the numbers game caught up with him.

There were a couple near falls after The Bar hit some big tandem moves but suddenly Braun Strowman hit a crossbody on The Bar.

 

Strowman threw Sheamus into the turnbuckle and he went to the floor. Then Strowman nailed a powerslam on Cesaro and got the pinfall.

Suddenly the Raw Tag Team Titles mean nothing because Braun Strowman won them with a child as his partner.

Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns – Universal Title

Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns took each other to the limit. Reigns took so many German Suplexes Michael Cole lost count which isn’t a huge surprise.

The fought on the outside for a while and toppled over an announce table.

Then Lesnar started hitting the F5’s. He hit an F5 but Roman Reigns kept kicking out of each one. Finally Reigns hit spear after spear on Brock Lesnar but he kept kicking out.

Lesnar landed another F5 and then he got frustrated when Reigns kicked out. Lesnar took off his gloves and landed a few shots to Roman Reigns’ head including an elbow that busted him open.

Roman Reigns hit a spear and Brock kicked out. Then Roman went for another spear but Lesnar snatched him up for another F5 and 1-2-3 Brock Lesnar is still the Universal Champion.

Thanks for reading!