It’s been confirmed by the Advocate himself. Brock “Beast ‘Conqueror’ Incarnate” Lesnar will do battle with Jinder “Modern Day ‘Hardbody’ Maharajah” Mahal. It’s a match no one really wanted. It’s a match no one really cared for. But it’s the main event of Survivor Series.
There’s a lot of ways this match can end. Not a lot of them are good. In fact, most of them are bad. But what’s the worst that could happen? How can WWE ruin Survivor Series? Here are a few ideas.
It Ends Like Every Other Jinder Mahal Match
You know the end I’m referring to. Jinder gets his ass kicked, those little rapscallions the Singh Brothers get involved. Other guy gets distracted. Other guy eats a Khallas. Jinder wins. Repeat ad nauseam.
Just imagine it. Jinder is in Suplex City, and then the Singhs lay their hands on the wise old Jew Paul Heyman. Brock Lesnar proceeds to eat both Singh Brothers and heads back into the ring after his quick snack. Lo and behold, Jinder somehow manages to get Lesnar up in the air, and then Khallases him in front of 1.3 billion Jindermaniacs at the Silver Dome Toyota Center.
It would be infuriating to see WWE book the exact same finish and think they could get away with it. It also makes Jinder nigh unbeatable, and damages Lesnar’s reputation considerably. Lesnar will be ruined, and the Roman experiment will have been a massive waste of time. Also, Jinder wins.
Brock Lesnar Gets Disqualified After Murdering the Singh Brothers
It’s match time, and Brock and Jinder are about to throw hands or whatever. Mahal is down after just one suplex, and the Singh Boys decide to step in the ring to save their beloved leader. Big mistake.
Brock proceeds to pick both of them up and F-5’s them both. He then picks them up again and throws them both into the K row of the audience. Lesnar then makes his way into the audience. The referee refuses to count because who is he to tell Brock Lesnar what to do? The Conqueror finds the lifeless bodies of Sunil and Samir and drags them back into the ring. He then proceeds to tear them both limb from limb in the middle of the ring.
The referee now has the very unfortunate job of disqualifying Brock Lesnar, because Brock just committed a crime. Beating people up and breaking their bones is fine. But murder? Yeah, disqualify that criminal.
Anyway, the police then arrive, and Brock kills them all by picking up a police car and using it as a weapon. Survivor Series goes off the air.
Goldberg Interferes
WWE’s been mentioning former Universal Champion Goldberg recently. His matches are posted on Youtube. There’s a compilation of his best spears? Does this mean that Goldberg could be coming back?! ( /s, just in case.)
What if, during the big “Champion v. Champion” bout, Goldberg suddenly rushes the ring and spears Lesnar? How crazy would that be? Goldberg wants his rematch for the Universal Championship, and he makes a statement at the very same event where he embarassed Brock Lesnar. You stole my championship? Cool, lose to Jinder Mahal.
However, Roman Reigns is not content to watch his brand lose the big match, so he storms the ring as well to help Lesnar. He and Goldberg stare each other in the eye and proceed to opposite corners. They then rush towards each other and both attempt a Spear at the same time. The force from such an impact will create a rift in the space-time continuum, and we will be transported to a timeline where Jinder Mahal is not WWE Champion.
Actually, this ending isn’t so bad.
Brock Lesnar Gets Mumps
Stay healthy, you guys.
